Dissection
by tamarindblue
Summary: Three Uchihas, three cursed beings, three forms of heartache dissected.
1. The tightness in my bossom

**Dissection**

 **The tightness in my bossom**

He wanted to be seen, was that too much to ask for?

He wanted to have friends, to be appreciated.

He had dreams and aspirations like all boys his age: to be Hokage, to be respected.

And he had hope, he had all the hope in the world and all the will power and optimism necessary despite coming from the much doubted and oppressed clan, despite being so alone , so disregarded.

Up until he saw her, when all his dreams converged .. All his dreams were reduced to one ..

To be noticed by Rin,

To be loved by Rin.

* * *

Slowly, his naivety wore off, his optimism faded and all his dreams were blown by the cruel winds of blustery Konoha ..

He accepted defeat, accepted he would always be left behind, accepted he had lost Rin to Kakashi yet he hid it well behind a shattered mask of fake positivity, false indifference.

He was already losing the fight, even before Madara found him.

Some thing was holding him in place, wrapping around his chest , crushing his ribs and draining his soul out of him.

Everytime he saw Rin with Kakashi, something tightened in his chest.

Everytime he wanted to scream .. To tell her to see him, to truly see him .. But backed off , the tightness narrowed a bit more

Still, he held onto one thing, one string that kept him hanging on the edge of sanity, Rin .. Seeing Rin, prosperous and Happy.

* * *

It only took one final blow to send his cracked façade crashing down ...

Kakashi killing Rin.

The world was stripped off colour, the tightness knocked the air out of him at last

The world was wholly proclaimed an evil place.

* * *

He looks back sometimes, when the constriction loosens up just a little bit and wonders, what would have happened had he moved on from Rin?

What would have happened had he never been an orphan much less an Uchiha?

What would have happened had he left Konoha? Had he never been alone?

Nevermind,

He has gotten used to loneliness,he has gotten used to heart ache, to madness.

He has gotten used to being an Uchiha who loved too much, who loathed too much, who dies either way.


	2. The Hollowness in my heart

**Dissection**

 **The hollowness in my chest**

He muffles the sound within him, the one suffocating him, the one telling him he has been played, the one drowning him with all sorts of lament, the one telling him he should have sided with his fellow kins, his clan, he should have died alongside them, the one telling him he has made the ultimate bad call, the irredeemable, the undoable choice.

 _'There must have been another way, You could have left, you and her and Sasuke .. You could have left the wretched village with the entire clan ... You could and could and could'_

It no longer matters ..

Only echoes remain .. Unassembled, disembodied

 _'You are so alone, You are so hollow'_

* * *

The thought of beating the disease to the final line, winning the race and ending it all with one blow, one stab of a sword is appealing, too appealing for him but he knows he can't escape his past, yet .. Not until Sasuke is strong enough to hold his own ground without someone watching in the shadow.

Sasuke .. The one chip that made the bargain delible.

* * *

In those brief moments at night, when the pain spares him and the ailment subdues, when he finally succumbs to sleep and he dreams .. She takes his hand through the valleys of mares, the smell of blood and agonised cries.

He sees her and all the life they could have shared .. He sees her as if she was real ..

And he smiles. He feels thankful, happy and warm.

His heart is filled with joy instead of hollowness & loneliness.

And when he wakes up, he prays that mercy and peace would ascend towards her .. Surround her and fill her heart with mirth and joy as much as her sent genjetsu the only other thing keeping him alive, had done to him.

' _Thank you, my friend_

 _Thank you my Love_

 _Thank you Izumi'_


	3. The weight in my heart

**Dissection**

 **The weight in my heart**

 _'The last surviving member of the blighted clan … the poor boy'_

 _'Good Riddance ... I wonder why he survived the massacre'_

 _'A Treacherous Mad clan, look at what happened to them by one of their own'_

 _'Cute boy'_

 _'look at all the attention he's getting'_

 _'Don't understate him ... he is a damn Uchiha after all'_

The gross mixture of gloat, awe, pity, jealousy and … fear.

He wasn't a damn weakling to be pitied, he is an Uchiha.

He wasn't a damn monster to be feared he is an Uchiha.

The Uchiha Clan is an honourable respectable clan, no less than the Hyuugas or the Uzumakis for heaven's sake.

He doesn't understand anything, Why is he so alone.

And Nothing about his bloody good looks or his genius level intelligence gives him Solace.

* * *

It doesn't escape his notice how that blonde dobe looks at him, It is a look devoid of pity, devoid of Jealousy, It is a challenging look. A look up to someone strong, someone to be aspired to … if he wasn't so obnoxiously loud, so exceedingly optimistic, if it wasn't for what has happened, they might have been friends.

After all the dobe was so much alone, just like him.

But his heart is full.

There is no room for Friendship, only Revenge.

* * *

Home … New Family …

That is what Kakashi keeps telling him.

And he wonders … What is home, what is Family?

Because Sure as hell, Itachi was Family and look what has he done.

Sure as hell, the one place that felt like home was his own house, the uchiha district … Those derelict ruins.

Nowhere else felt like home.

His heart was sinking.

He had to get rid of the weight, He had to beat off Itachi.

He had to before his heart and sanity are lost.

And so he leaves every other thing behind and sets off on his Journey to avenge his family, to lift the burden.

Only does his weight heave more.

* * *

It was a final act of mercy Itachi died on his own.

He would have lost it had he killed his brother after what he has learnt, what Itachi had done to protect him.

It was a weight that would have utterly destroyed him, that would have burst his heart, burnt it to ashes.

* * *

He was feared, ultimately feared and for good cause now. He was damn near omnipotent, damn near invincible.

The Uchiha's Legacy was deemed the respect and Power it always deserved.

* * *

It was always Naruto in the way, so unnerving.

The More unnerving ... the shift in his look.

He now looks at him like all the others.

Naruto pities him and it drives him insane cause he was strong, he wasn't falling apart, he wasn't weak, Was he?

* * *

He doesn't know what drives him to come to Konoha's Aid.

Because he doesn't care for Konoha, He hates the selfish village, the ultimate destroyer of all the things good.

Maybe for Itachi's Legacy, the Uchiha's.

Ironically, He had the Uchiha's penchant for being Dumb, emotionally dumb, unstable and compliant.

* * *

He accepts defeat,

The weight in his heart may have lightened a considerable bit … but still, it was there, ever present.

So he leaves everything behind as if he owned anything in the first place, he leaves before his curse gets the best of him and he hurts his naïve friend,

He leaves because itinerary and estrangement are his only home now.

He leaves the village because if he keeps thinking over all the memories of the past, they might kill him.


End file.
